Define Awesome

Let everyone who even dares pick up one of your writing instruments know that YOU MEAN BUSINESS and also subtly that YOU MAY HAVE AN INFECTIOUS DISEASE.

Justice is served every time you play this robot vs. robot game - because there’s a winner. One winner. Not some lame modern-day version of a winner, like, “Oh, you tried your best, here’s a high five and participation trophy!”

Does it smell like success in here, or is it just my underarms wafting the odor of a winner? Yup, it’s definitely me. It’s not you, and your weird little parking routine that makes it look like a six-year-old somehow got their license from a cereal box as a...

With all deez holidayz around the corner, isn’t it time you treat yourself to some gold plated grillz for that wonderfully pretty smile of yours? Let’s cut right to the chase: you deserve better. You deserve more. You have earned the prettiest smile in all the land. So how...

It goes without saying that there are numerous benefits to being passive-aggressive in your dealings with other people (also known as “simpletons”). The issue with simpletons is that they are far, far inferior to the brilliance that people like you bring to this planet. You’re a genius. You’re thoughtful,...

Please take a moment to reflect on the wonderful prose from, classically trained popular music star of the 1980’s, Kendall “Rockwell” Gordy as he sang in his 1984 smash hit “Somebody’s Watching Me,”, “I always feel like…somebody’s watching me….whoa-oh-oh. I always feel like…somebody’s watching me…and I have no privacy…whoa-oh-oh!”...

Looking to get cozy this winter? These Slippers can be warmed up in the microwave. They can also, if you should ever desire, even be placed in the freezer to cool down.

Dehydrated water was discovered in a cave, in the mountains of China, several thousand years ago by an ancient Chinese potion maker.

Pillow fights first came into prominence in the royalty circle of Richard the Lionheart in 1189. Sure, you’re reading this like, “Yeah, dude, I know He was the son of Duke Robert of Normandy, also called ‘Robert the Devil’, and of Herlev (also known as Arlette), whose father, Fulbert,...

Clocky is the original runaway alarm clock on wheels that helps you get up and go with some extra pep in your step! Clocky rolls! Clocky runs! You’ve got to catch Clocky to turn off your morning alarm! What a wonderful novelty to help you wake up with a...

Oh, you’re a fancy gentleman, aren’t you?! Wonderful! What a wonderful existence it must be! You spend your mornings in a luxurious bathrobe, likely being given a world-class massage by a masseuse with a name like “Olfan” or “Laurencia.” You have a lovely breakfast of freshly cut cantaloupe, artisan...

PASADENA, CALIFORNIA: July 2019 Pasadena Times Headline: BABY IN A TORTILLA BLANKET BURRITO PHOTOSHOOT CAUSES UPROAR WITH LOCAL COMMUNITY The reason? What a disaster. Who was the creator who would ever think you should put a baby in an actual burrito? And where in the world would they find...

MY NAME IS PRISON MIKE. THEY CALL ME PRISON MIKE BECAUSE I’VE BEEN IN PRISON. AND MY NAME IS MIKE. You think it’s all fancy dances and handshakes in prison? Because let me tell you, buddy, it’s not. It’s not waking up leisurely at quarter past eight while a...

In the Autumn of 1916, a man named Barnaby J. Minkles stumbled upon a prank so lively, so wonderful and so outrageous, he was regarded as one of the foremost prank masters of the twentieth century. Minkles worked long hours on the assembly line as a linesman for the...

Ugh. The grind of the workweek. You’re up and at’ em every day, and you’re working your tail off for the man. By the time the end of the week arrives, it’s all about a little “you time.” Sit back, relax, enjoy a nice pallet of bacon soda pops...

Love offering your guests tissues, but also wish those tissues could be delivered via the business end of a cat? Well, you’re in luck! This cat butt tissue holder is the product of your dreams! It does it all! It’s a cat It holds a box of tissues It...

The Cell Phone Jail: The world’s smallest jail cell for your overzealous cell phone usage is not quite what it seems. Imagine the jungles of Africa, 1981. Hot, dry, unexplored. American traveler Saxon Bingham enters the jungle alone. He discovers a tiny jail cell, empty in the middle of...

The year is 2037. The World Chip Organization has stepped into the spotlight and will be featured, for the first time ever, in the Olympic Games. The challenge: Who can eat the most amount of snacks in just 30 minutes. The bigger challenge: how will the contestants stay reasonably...

Roll up to the party like, “ANYONE WANT A TASTE OF MY BACON SODA?” Utter such a phrase and the party guests will immediately turn into putty in your fingers. Mold them, dear friend. Mold them to love you. To appreciate you. To turn the party into the most...

NASA has been very clear: “On July 20, 1969, Neil Armstrong was the first human to walk on the moon.” What NASA has conveniently omitted, in their account of moon landings and space exploration are the details surrounding the first non-human to walk on the moon. Thankfully, we have...

LOOK AT YOU ONLY USING ONE SCREEN LIKE A CHUMP. “Oh, bro, you don’t get it, dude, I’m on my laptop bro, it’s only got one screen man.” GROW-UP, SON. IT’S TIME TO GROW UP. Look, we get it. You went to your corner computer shop, got your cute...

Ever heard of Baxter Umbrella? Not to spoil the story, but let’s get right to it: he’s the inventor of the umbrella backpack. But do you know why he invented the umbrella? Let’s take a journey back to the monumental year of 1837. Baxter had a passion for taking...

Look around. Right now. Look at what’s around you. Items. What’s exciting about that? Not much. Not much joy is derived from that picture on the wall. The seat you’re in. That piece of furniture over in the corner. Oh, and look at all that reading material over there....

Let’s be real. there are very few things in this world that you can shake and instantly receive an answer from. Honestly, has your brain ever even considered something like that? Sad. Sad that we even had to bring this to your attention. But in sadness, there is hope....

Imagine you love cats who for some reason or another cannot lick themselves – BUT ALSO ENJOY FRESH SCENTS. You’ve tousled and toiled for years. Working. Thinking. Theorizing. Guessing. Hoping. How could you merge your two loves into just one item? Before we get to the answer, let us...

Love spending money and also showering like royalty?  Well, you’re about to be pleasantly surprised by an item you likely had no idea existed, until this very moment. Introducing: The 2020 Manhattan Luxury Computerized Steam Power Shower Sauna with Jetted jacuzzi Whirlpool Massage Bathtub Spa with Bluetooth & TV....

Time to kick up your embarrassing mail prank game a notch, compliments of the United States Postal Service. Let’s say, in theory, you’ve got a friend who needs to be put in their place. Imagine a world where you’d be able to send them a fraudulent gift right to...

Ladies and gentlemen, allow us to introduce the prank master general, Sir Edgar Toots and the story of his claim-to-fame with the toilet squirt gun prank. The legend of Edgar Toots is far and wide in this fair (and sometimes unfair) land.  If you aren’t familiar with the lore...

Sure, you know your three-month-old is a gentleman and a scholar, but does he look the part? Nothing degrades an academic’s sterling reputation faster than a full-diaper, spit-up stained onesie, and inability to grow facial hair. Fortunately, there’s a simple way to cover up your baby’s faults and transform them into the Rhodes...

There are innumerable scary, horrific places on the planet. Abandoned prisons. Long lost asylums. Haunted houses. Though nothing is scarier than a place we have all come into contact with in our lives – a place so terrifying, so nightmare-inducing, so unspeakably grotesque that it’s almost impossible to believe...

Although butts have been the asset of choice for what seems like centuries, lips have come in full force since Kylie Jenner debuted her new fillers a few years back and we haven’t been able to think about anything besides them since.  Everyone wants Plumper Lips! If you’ve been...

Did you know that everything you’ve ever known about Chewbacca is wrong? Yes, he was in Star Wars, but do you even know how it happened?

Oh, you fancy huh? Well, Meet Mr. Moustachio, a fancy gentleman with the manliest mustaches of all time. Some might even say the fanciest. How fancy? This so and so has it all figured out. And by “all,” we, of course, mean “mustaches.” Moustachio is a curious case when...

Never risk going to the bathroom in the dark again. Never waste electricity. Introducing: The colorful, light-up toilet.

...hold up, dude. Is it true that beast has a fifty dart drum, comes with 50 darts and is fully motorized? Even Commander Drillstein was reduced to tears of joy when he laid eyes upon the gorgeous CS-50.

The Grilled Cheese Toaster: everything you’ve ever wanted in a cheese and carbohydrate making concoction, all in one place!

The talking Chucky doll is hands-down the perfect gift for any fan who has been looking to add to their horror movie memorabilia collection.  Or anyone who enjoys deadly dolls in their home.  Based on the original 1988 horror movies, you can own this terrifying little doll of the leading...

Let’s face it, you look awesome with cool sunglasses on. But sometimes, it’s not worth all the hassle to drive all the way to the ancient ruins known as “The Mall” to find a pair, priced $100 over the price of the item from the manufacturer themselves on their...

CALLING ALL PARTY ANIMALS! OK, the party animals are here! Look at you crazy party animals! Horses, sheep, pigs, cows! Wild and crazy party animals who just love having a good time, don’t they! Now do us a favor. Get out. You, get out of here. Every single last...

You’re a nerd. You know it, your mom knows it, even your Great Aunt Bernice knows it. Friggin’ Bernice. Always gossiping. We really dislike people who gossip. Always poking into other’s people’s business, making random generalizations about who they are, how they act and what they like. Look, we’ve...

The sheer amount of high-five’s I now receive on almost an hourly basis is indubitably due to the style of my hair, the cool wolf I have, and owning a toilet paper blaster. -Kit Harington

You probably think you’re the cock of the walk when you stroll into a party with your hilarious party games, don’t you? Well, bad news lil buck-a-roo: you have to kick it up a notch ASAP. We’re talking, taking it to the next level, where the next level is...

You think your horticulture game is on fleek don’t you? Damn, son. You have a lot to learn. First of all, “on fleek” isn’t even something people say anymore. It was a thing for like three months back in 2016. Now you want us to take you seriously after...

Enjoy your favorite cold brew in a whole new way. A Beer Slushy Way. Keep your coolness factor of drinking a beer intact while still enjoying the refreshing frozen aspect of a margarita.  With this beer slushy maker, you can serve your brewski soft-serve style. No need to degrade your manhood...

Keep yourself uber hydrated with this brain tricking flavored cup. Because who still drinks ordinary water anymore? Since when did water become fancy? That colorless, flavorless liquid we all need to live. People are paying $$$ for big brands like Perrier and La Croix. It’s like all anyone ever...

Have you ever tried to shrink an over-sized garment in the dryer and it came out looking like a sweater for a chihuahua? Or perhaps a favorite sweater ended up in there by mistake? We all mess up the wash every so often.  Or every day, but no judgment!...

The Fanny Pack Sandals Are The Coolest Things Ever. Here’s Why: Want the ease of a fanny pack without the inconvenience of a strap on muffin top? No worries, these sandals have you covered.  Walk around hands-free in these fanny pack sandals by Nike.   These sandals will have you...

Do you want people to look at you and think, “Wow they have their corgi obsessed life completely together.” Don’t give them a reason to doubt that by adding this corgi butt coin purse to your collection. Take your Corgi obsession to a whole new level Throw that spare...

Everyone knows that distracted driving is the best type of driving! If you added up all of the time you spent mindlessly driving, looking at stop signs, pedestrians, red lights, oncoming traffic, and all the other nonsense that being behind the wheel forces you to look at, you’d have...

If you enjoy having a good time, by any means necessary, no matter the consequence - this is the hangover cure for you.

“Show me a person who does not like potato chips, and I will show you a loser.” – Former President Grover Cleveland OK – so there’s no actual, physical or verbal proof that the former President of the United States actually uttered those words. But can you imagine if...

No more worrying about “other people’s feelings” or “communicating effectively.” A real girlfriend is nothing but an annoyance. How many times do you have to sneak out to the garage to just get five minutes of peace and quiet?

Cat lovers will LOL at the geniusness of their furry, adorable feline friends with these insightful and curious poems from the minds of cat-pets.

Hi! My name is Cornelius. I am an adult, who was raised by my parents through the things they learned in “How to Traumatize Your Children.” If you ask me, I think it’s a wonderful book. I think it’s a wonderful book filled with amazing techniques to help children...

We live in the future. A world of boundless opportunity and endless possibility. A world, where anything can happen at a moment’s notice. An awesome world, where pets can live in a virtual world that caters to their every fancy. Welcome to Pet VR. Population: your pet. The Virtual...

Show the superhero power of the Crazy Cat Lady: Ethel, with this distinguished action figure dedicated to the glory of cat lovers everywhere.

There is someone in your life who needs to be pranked. You know it, we know it, everybody knows it. But, how can you ensure maximum prank level action? Sure, you could do the old stand-bys: A whoopee cushion. A bucket of water on the top of a door....

Even children are smart enough to know that robots are taking over the world. Between artificial intelligence, voice-activated everything and the future landscape of employment basically being taken over by lines of code, where can we turn for comfort? Who could possibly help our kids in such uncertain times?...

Just imagine your friend yelling at the printer or clapping in front of the TV like a dufus, losing it and ending up screaming in frustration!

Never touch or pet your pets again! The Pet Petter is the perfect gift for the dog or cat lover. This automatic petting device has 4 different speeds

There’s no way you’re still talking on your phone like it’s 2003, are you? If you are, there is very little hope for you. Frankly, why not just go all out and treat your phone usage like it’s 1897. Carry around an old wooden wall clock with a handset...

Attention Citizens, We Repeat, Attention Great Citizens! We have an alert for an unusual sighting in the residential area you are currently residing in. There have been reports of a lion in your neighborhood. We repeat, there have been reports of a lion in the neighborhood....

Your child is one of the sweetest, most delicate, lovely children that has ever graced the planet earth. Inside your home, they are kind, friendly, lovable. Outside your home? They are one of the raddest kids on the playground, in the neighborhood, in their school. Can you comprehend how...

Thy cut is in itself a complete disaster of epic proportions! You know your slice of skin which has caused blood to make itself viewable to the world is embarrassing, yes? As a matter of fact, we are all embarrassed by the cut. It is small. It is slight....

It’s 11:27 am. You wake up in your hastily hung hammock in your bedroom with a Mad Magazine on your lap. Your eyes pop open but your vision is somewhat blurry from the night before. You quickly crinkle aside the magazine to reveal your still in the same clothes...

Sure, Kim Jong-Un has generally been referred to as a “dictator.” OK, maybe he is not the nicest guy in the world, we get it. The potential that he’s awesome and just wants to hang out and boom, you’ve got a new best friend.

Who needs anything else, let's be real. When you have this 48” masterpiece of sculpted, full-color, flat art wallpaper of an Asian man, just imagine what you could do!

MEET SARGE, HOST OF COOL HIT NEW VIDEO GAME, EXTREME CHORES! SARGE IS GOING TO WALK YOU THROUGH WHAT IT TAKES TO BE AN ABSOLUTE BUTTOCKS KICKER IN THE WORLD OF CHORE LIFE, WHERE IT’S A TAKE NO PRISONERS LIFESTYLE FOLLOWED BY A TEN KNUCKLE SHUFFLE OF JABS TO...

The Squatty Potty will ensure that you are #1 at doing #2. You’ve got that apple bottom, now make sure you treat it right!

It’s Time. Time To Be Cool. Time To Play Capture The Flag! The cool kids in every single 1980’s movie had a few things in common: Awesome hair. Each follicle probably drenched to the tippy top with Aqua Net hairspray. That was the coolest way to make your hair...

Introducing: The 3d Edison LED Light Bulb Let’s go on a journey together into the mysteries of this 3d LED light bulb, shall we? A cosmic journey, where space and time are insignificant. Where nothing matters other than your deepest, innermost desires. You close your eyes. The lights of...

Oh goodness gracious, the humanity! The odor emanating from the human being across from you is horrendous. Awful. Outrageous. You really need a shower. You know the scent. It smells like a mixture of fermented jerky and a public restroom. How did it happen? Why does the person smell...

It’s 2am. You’ve been out all night doing the things you do to keep your life interesting (you know, drinking liquids that inebriate and such). Standing in your kitchen, you think to yourself, “What in the name of all that is Snoop Doggy Dogg am I going to satiate...

2019 – What a time to be alive! It would easy to joke about Qoobo, a pillow with a wagging tail designed to help comfort people who, for whatever reason, can’t have a pet. But we’re nice, so… We’re not going to do it. We’re simply going to tell...

Have you ever wondered what happens behind your back? The reality of being a human being is that you can’t naturally look forward and backward at the same time. That sucks. Especially when you take into consideration the things we’ve found out happen while an average person has their...

You’ve got all the riches, and the world knows it. You’re surrounded by wealth, luxury, and all the things the world envies. So how do you ensure you keep all the things you have worked so hard in this life untouched by the mass of humanity that wants nothing...

The light turns green, you’re still on your phone working on your next Insta-fabulous selfie to finally be Insta-famous, just like you deserve. Not Becky. or Ashley. Ugh. Sluts. PADDLE TIME

Drive your friends and coworkers mad as you prank them with random mouse movements and type out random texts and phrases with the phantom keystroker!

Give your beloved kitty or puppy an entirely new outlook on life and be their hero, once and for all!

You’re Fired – The Button The two words no one wants to tell their employees.  So, why say it yourself? Who better than Trump to say it for you every time you’re itching to tell that one person that’s been bothering you a little too much? Give them a...

Here’s the problem with the world today, my good friend. It’s boring and repetitive. Day in and day out, the same thing happens all the time. All we’re left with, as a tiny glimmer of hope is that something out of the blue will happen to jolt us from...

“OH, YEAH? WELL, YOU’RE A CHICKEN!” These are the words hurled at you from a middle school bully as you stand there in stunned silence. It’s Spring. The weather is just starting to break, and winter is but a faint memory. You look around on the playground to find...

Meet Bill the Bull, the inflatable pool bull. Sure, that’s not his official name, but he is a bull without a doubt. This bull has been given the name Bill for a few reasons: Bill is a super sweet name that reminds us of a John Wayne era man’s...

The most successful human being that ever lived mastered two things: dreams and emotions. Who was this person of mystery? Her name was Alicia. Alicia lived in a little place you’ve probably never heard of before called New York City, New York (in the United States of America, which...

Picture the first time you ever went to SeaWorld. Smell the saltwater emanating from what seems like everywhere. Think back to the sea lions performing for packed crowds – the water splashing around, the excitement from the audience. Remember that feeling you got in your gut that you can...

Look at you, living in some sort of “regular” house like you’re some king or something. Oh, our apologies, your majesty! Apparently, you like living in a “neighborhood.” Apparently, you think you need a “basement.” How weak we are that we think you could get by in life without...

Dear Realistic Baby Doll (A Letter from a 3-year-old): This is a sincere letter of gratitude for all of the wonderful benefits you have provided me. As a three-year-old little girl, you may be surprised as to the limitations placed on me by life, at this point in time....

Memoirs of bae Dear Potential Boyfriend – As a potential partner, I have amassed a list of demands that require your attention prior to us engaging in any sort of relationship. Please note my use of the word “demand.” The list below is not a vague representation of things...

This little tie cooler fan is going to change everything. All we need is a little USB power, plug it in and control it. Personal cool. That’s what defines us moving forward.

“The wood influences the sound and the weight of the violin just as food influences the weight of a human being.” - Duke de Violin

Unleash Your Inner Animal, On Your Face. Realistic animal masks aren’t just for zoo workers trying to get pandas riled up for mating season anymore! Now, for the first time ever, you too can unleash the animal inside while staying cool, comfortable, and covered from neck to noggin. Just...

A Can of Whoop-A**, You Ask? Who needs yet another cumbersome can of whoop-a**? You, that’s who, because this is no ordinary can of whoop-a**! Allow us to paint a picture for you. You’re out on the town, strutting your stuff, and you come across one of your many...

Mr. Zooka was the creator of one of the most ingenious contraptions ever made. The item he fashioned was able to take pure air, gather it all up into an invisible mass – and shoot that air back into the earth with a fantastic amount of energy behind it.

While we’re on the subject of you: You’ve been a little passive-aggressive lately, which is awesome, like me. Frankly, who doesn’t love passive-aggressive people? Life would be boring without you I guess. Don’t come right out and say what you’re feeling, EVER. Just dance around the topic like you’re...

The Rainmaker. The Awesome Cash Shooting, Gold Plated Electronic Gun. Let’s face it: you don’t get the respect you deserve. Sure, people think you’re super attractive, funny, powerful, charismatic and pretty much a flawless human being. You have a great smile, impeccable style and an air of confidence that...

Uncle Harold – who is he? This gentleman is a tried and true pistachio connoisseur. And a prank master. The man himself has now released his masterpiece, and you have a very limited time to take advantage of this incredible opportunity. We proudly present to you: Uncle Harold’s Premium...

There’s a new way to keep your puppy fluffy. Wondering how everyone else keeps their puppy so cute and fluffy? Thanks to the advanced technology of air power, your furry little love ball of fluff can now experience a spa, in a wind-tunnel. Ever wanted to take your dog...

Absurdly hilarious, dark and twisted fortunes inside the most delicious cookies your little taste buds have ever had the pleasure of enjoying.

How do you communicate to your loving boss and awesome fellow employees that you really shouldn’t be given any extra responsibility? With the World’s Okayest Employee Coffee Mug, that’s how! You’ve tried everything else to cultivate an air of mediocrity such as: Waltzing on into work late every other...

"I ain't kinda hot, I'm sauna. I sweat money and the bank is my shower" -Little Wayne

Cut the crap, web surfer. We’re about to introduce you to the man who is going to change your life. A man who is so legendary, that you should bow down before him. The king of pranks. The prince of hilarity. The jester of good times. Ladies and gentleman,...

Let us take a moment to tell you the story of Johnny “Reverse” Peephole. You may know Johnny for his wonderful invention: The reverse peephole But, do you know how the ingenious invention came to be? Indulge us for a moment as we take you through a brief, but...

Worried you might crash one day from using your phone while driving? Statistically, you should be. And legally, you shouldn’t be on your phone while driving. Jeez. But, you’re too cool for rules, so – an invention had to be made. Everyone hates the one jerk on their commute...

Getting angry is easy, but getting even instead of angry is hands-down the best option, always, in every situation. Let’s say your ex may have broken up with you on your birthday because, well, you thought that they were just cold-hearted meanies. Well, are you ready for the truth?...

Just imagine the amount of right swipes you’d get if you were single and you had the snack hat in your profile picture…

Unicorns are hands down the animal of the moment, in every moment. But, the creature we all have come to know and love may not be so lovable as we think. Little did we know until now, they’re jerks. Their sparkle and mysticality is all just a front. In...

It’s Raining. But, this time something is different. It feels right. It feels different. It’s like, magic or something. It’s the Hands-Free Umbrella. For the first time ever, you can have TWO FREE HANDS while it’s raining! But there are more benefits to it than just having two hands...

For The First Time Ever, You Can Stare at a screen longer without worrying about the blue light causing headaches! Remember the future of the past? People were all going to be interconnected with gadgets and computers and screens… Everything was going to be all sleek and, like, super...

Oh, Look Who It Is: Johnny Money Bags! Look at you, walking around like you’re some sort of financial wizard with those money bags. You think there’s no end to the riches you can amass, right?  The whole world is your oyster. And it’s a damn tasty oyster. Filled...

You’re a Boss. A Boss With a Notepad. Maybe not the sort of boss Seth Rogan is in this video… Maybe not even the type of boss who dictates to an entire office of subordinates that they need to tie your shoes, groom your hair, and file your nails....

What would you do with fake wall outlet stickers? Maybe you’re the life of the party. You’re the person who everybody turns to for a good laugh. “You’re such a card!” they say. “You always make me laugh!” they remark. But what happens when you don’t have a crowd...

“Oh, Mimi – could you fetch me another hors devours please?” “Ah, yes, Furball, I fancy a dessert to satisfy my naughty sweet tooth, my dear!” That could be you. That could be you speaking to your pets as you finally come to the realization that not only can...

You probably have a perfect reason for viewing this product. Maybe you’re in pain. Your neck, shoulders, head, and back. Whatever it is, we’re sure it’s probably not fun. Maybe you even feel a little bit bad for yourself, and are thinking “Is the Vinmax Over the Door Cervical...

Who is the life of the party? Is it the guy who brings all the beer, or the guy that cleans up the beer while dancing in his new house party mop shoes? What if I told you, you could be both those guys? You can be anything you...

Remember when mall cops on electric scooters became a thing? Its like why walk when you can scooter? Well, get this! There is now a sea scooter, so why swim if you can scooter? As long as perusing the seas is not a full-time job, then we promise you...

Have you been looking for something to take your parties to the next level? Something that has everything you need in one place? Something that will make your friends overwhelmingly jealous? This coffee table and drink cooler combo can offer all of that and more, including a glimpse into...

I Declare a Thumb War We all know the saying: never bring a thumb to a hand war. Now you can dominate every thumb war with your very own tiny hand vinyl finger puppets. No longer will you have to sit there in shame, staring at your ridiculous digits...

We might as well admit the elephant in the room: coffee makes you poop. Coffee is both a laxative and a diuretic, which is a fancy way of saying you’ll need to use the bathroom one way or another. A coffee mug shouldn’t shy away from this fact and...

It’s time to take the plunge. It’s time to get yourself an in-car sauce holder. Let’s be honest; your body is too far gone to have any real hope of getting back in shape. You’re never going to be the fittest person on the planet, and you’ll be damned...