You’re not still using the voice you were born with are you? Yikes…Did you know that 99.999% of the world uses a synthesized voice? Wait a second. You’re that one person who isn’t using a voice synthesizer, aren’t you? Come on, you’re better than that. Since the dawn of the new century, scientists, naturalists, herbalists […]
Are you tired of children running all around constantly bothering you? You’re an adult, you should be doing awesome stuff like drinking too much, chopping wood or wildly just kicking at stuff for no apparent reason. When kids are around, you just can’t enjoy a stiff drink, axe swing or kick like you’d like to. […]
Many very intellectually advanced people in America have high praise for the wonderfully captivating and famous television star Captain Kangaroo. If you’re unfamiliar, first, let us welcome you out from underneath that gross old rock you’ve been living in. Let us refer to Wikipedia to catch you up on Mr. Kangaroo: “Captain Kangaroo was an […]
WHAT ARE YOU, SOME KIND OF JERK THAT JUST HAS REGULAR PICKLES? Man oh man, what an embarrassment you are. Look, we didn’t want to have to start off this way, but come on. You’re better than this. You’re better than some “average Joe” who is just skulking around with a regular pickle. Oh, it’s […]
Many people think “Gosh, I am completely useless.” These people spend their days in a constant haze of activity, never truly getting anything done. By the end of the day, they’re grumpy, tired and pretty much feeling just what you’d think…useless. Fortunately, the universe could sense this malcontent happening to humans. Deep within the caverns […]
Listen up chubs, chocolate isn’t just for breakfast anymore. Now you can have it before breakfast, too. Hot damn! Are you still dreaming? Nope, this is as real as it gets. Chocolate toothpaste actually exists And this tube of sweetness is so good you might just decide to start brushing a few hundred times a […]
Congratulations! It’s a new baby! As opposed to an old baby, which, let’s be honest would be super weird. Last thing your lady friend would want is to give birth to an 86 year old retired accountant who all of a sudden immediately starts hounding the happy couple about their lack of diversified stock portfolio. […]
Buckle up and get ready for the gaming chair rig you’ve been dreaming about your entire life. Yup, your entire life. We know you sit there on your uncomfortable gaming chair. It’s stained from years of hard seltzer spillage. There are chip crumbs in every possible orifice. The arms of your couch look like they’ve […]
To fully understand this scented hand sanitizer, let’s begin with Sir Arthur Q. Stink of the British Isles, who issued a proclamation in 1768 which reads as follows: “To the Men, Women, Children and Families of Great Britain – It is my distinct pleasure today to introduce you and yours to an odor unlike anything […]
Start your day the right way with the Wake & Bake Dream Griddle Alarm Clock, by Darby McKingons. If you didn’t know, Darby McKingons is widely respected as the World Record holder for the “most calories eaten in a single day.” McKingons won this prestigious title in 1947 after consuming just over 139,084 calories. His […]
It’s the future, dude – nobody should have to stand when they can sit. Therefore; we formally announce the world’s greatest device: The Wearable Chair (as seen on Silicon Valley) That’s right – take a load off anytime, anywhere with the chair that literally changes everything for the better. Going to an outdoor concert? Forget […]
You seem stressed out a little bit lately, is everything OK? Come on, why are you so anxious? Seems Like You May Need an Electric Head Massager… I mean, it’s not like we’re in the midst of a worldwide pandemic, right? That would be crazy, right?! The way you’re acting, you’d think the Pentagon released […]
If there was one state in the United States of America that matters, we can all agree that it’s Florida. As a matter of fact, Florida is the breeding ground for a superior type of human being that is now finally gaining the global attention they so rightfully deserve. Enter: the Florida Man. The Florida […]
You have a filthy mind, and we’re not even sure we’re going to continue with this product description until we make one thing clear. THIS BOOK IS NOT ABOUT WHAT YOU THINK IT’S ABOUT. You think you’re so sneaky. Clicking on the image, the link, whatever. Your mind is racing. “Oh, my! There’s a book […]
Imagine if you could have a personal “hype-man” follow you around like you were a celebrity rapper. Somebody to follow you around all day every day just shouting about how great you are and giving you motivational quotes to keep you inspired. You wake up in the morning and hit the alarm… “Yo! My dude […]
If you still think the archaic “That Was Easy” button has any relevance in today’s world, you’ve got another thing coming, Mister (or Miss. Or Ms. Or Mrs. ). That thing you’ve got coming? The “NAILED IT” button. Designed in a micro laboratory in the heart of downtown Brooklyn, this is the absolute must-have button […]
Meet Mister Chubbles, the cat that makes other cats look lazy. Have you ever heard of a cat that earns enough money to pay the mortgage on a nice, mid-sized starter home? How about a cat that is not only painstakingly precise when it comes to floor maintenance, but also has an incredible knack for […]
Ditch the house, dude – it’s time to start camping like a champion. Sell the house, drop the mortgage, the electric bill, the gas bill, the water bill, the taxes. All that nonsense. We proudly present a better way to live: the 10’x10’ Backroadz SUV tent for Camping Like a Champion Let us tell you […]
If there is one thing every child on earth can agree on, it’s the straight up fact that they all would prefer to be hamsters than human beings. Children from every state, country and continent, for thousands of years have watched hamsters with great envy. Here are just a few responses to a 1994 survey […]
The unscented middle finger candle allows you to flip the bird with grace and assertiveness. A great centerpiece to have at home to burn for fun at your friend!
Since you can’t physically consume fried chicken in your sleep (we’ve field tested several times, no luck), we found the next best thing: a fried chicken pillow
“Crazy James the Screamin’ Goat” is what his family, friends, neighbors and every farmer east of the Mississippi call him. What they don’t know is the real reason he screams…
Whoever told you money doesn’t grow on trees is wrong. Money does grow on trees. In fact, it’s now easy to grow money wherever you want with the money printer!
The NERD SQUAD has officially blown open its doors and is welcoming new members who can fall in line with what it means to be the nerdiest of nerds. Fortunately, if you’re not quite prepared to join the NERD SQUAD, this all in one NERD KIT is going to get you almost all the way to the finish line.
Make your dog feel like Superman with this dog outfit perfect for your little superhero. Available in multiple sizes, all with the same outcome: awesomeness.
