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Once upon a time, in the leafy green heart of Crunchland, lived a whimsical cereal-loving wizard named Broccolius. Broccolius was no ordinary wizard; he was a guardian of greens, a vanquisher of vegetable vagrancy, and a hero of healthy habits. His heart throbbed with a desire to rid the world of its unhealthy cravings. He […]

The most successful human being that ever lived mastered two things: dreams and emotions. Who was this person of mystery? Her name was Alicia. Alicia lived in a little place you’ve probably never heard of before called New York City, New York (in the United States of America, which is within the continent of North […]

A Can of Whoop-A**, You Ask? Who needs yet another cumbersome can of whoop-a**? You, that’s who, because this is no ordinary can of whoop-a**! Allow us to paint a picture for you. You’re out on the town, strutting your stuff, and you come across one of your many nemeses swaggering down the road like […]

$12.99

Dear Realistic Baby Doll (A Letter from a 3-year-old): This is a sincere letter of gratitude for all of the wonderful benefits you have provided me. As a three-year-old little girl, you may be surprised as to the limitations placed on me by life, at this point in time. I’ve only been on this planet […]

$41.99

Please take a moment to reflect on the wonderful prose from, classically trained popular music star of the 1980’s, Kendall “Rockwell” Gordy as he sang in his 1984 smash hit “Somebody’s Watching Me,”, “I always feel like…somebody’s watching me….whoa-oh-oh. I always feel like…somebody’s watching me…and I have no privacy…whoa-oh-oh!” Poor Rockwell. Why did he feel […]

Memoirs of bae Dear Potential Boyfriend – As a potential partner, I have amassed a list of demands that require your attention prior to us engaging in any sort of relationship. Please note my use of the word “demand.” The list below is not a vague representation of things I’d like. They are required certainties. […]

Congratulations! It’s a new baby! As opposed to an old baby, which, let’s be honest would be super weird. Last thing your lady friend would want is to give birth to an 86 year old retired accountant who all of a sudden immediately starts hounding the happy couple about their lack of diversified stock portfolio. […]

If there is one thing every child on earth can agree on, it’s the straight up fact that they all would prefer to be hamsters than human beings. Children from every state, country and continent, for thousands of years have watched hamsters with great envy. Here are just a few responses to a 1994 survey […]

Introducing the latest addition to your home decor – beer scented candles! Because who doesn’t want their living room to smell like a frat party on a Sunday morning? These candles will transport you straight to your favorite dive bar, without the sticky floors and questionable characters. I know. You’re asking yourself: “How do I […]

$19.99

Let’s face it, you look awesome with cool sunglasses on. But sometimes, it’s not worth all the hassle to drive all the way to the ancient ruins known as “The Mall” to find a pair, priced $100 over the price of the item from the manufacturer themselves on their new website. So, how do you […]

$24.95

Murder is a common theme in Game of Thrones. Just when you get attached or start sympathizing with a character…boom! They’ve been barbecued with wildfire or had their throat sliced end to end like a sacrificial goat. More than 30 characters died in the season six finale, and yet you yearn for more Westeros mystery […]

$67.61

2020 is going to a magnificent year filled with technological marvels that were unimaginable just a decade ago. Thanks to the internet, and super fast wifi, our planet is now more connected than ever.  Futurists suggest that in just a few short years, we’ll have a global economy, location independent jobs, energy that is not […]

How much do you love beef jerky? How much does your significant other love beef jerky? If the answer to both of these questions is in fact; yes, then this is the bouquet of your dreams. There is no greater declaration of your love of smoked meat, and your awesomeness than, a bouquet of (finally) […]

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How did the car exhaust whistle prank come to be? Well, in the Autumn of 1916, a man named Barnaby J. Minkles stumbled upon a prank so lively, so wonderful and so outrageous, he was regarded as one of the foremost prank masters of the twentieth century. Minkles worked long hours on the assembly line […]

Do you want people to look at you and think, “Wow they have their corgi obsessed life completely together.” Don’t give them a reason to doubt that by adding this corgi butt coin purse to your collection. Take your Corgi obsession to a whole new level Throw that spare change that we both know will […]

Does it smell like success in here, or is it just my underarms wafting the odor of a winner? Yup, it’s definitely me. It’s not you, and your weird little parking routine that makes it look like a six-year-old somehow got their license from a cereal box as a prize. Why is it the general […]

Let’s be real. There are very few things in this world that you can shake and instantly receive a sarcastic answer from… Honestly, has your brain ever even considered something like that? Sad. Sad that we even had to bring this to your attention. But in sadness, there is hope. Let’s consider something very important […]

The Cell Phone Jail: The world’s smallest jail cell for your overzealous cell phone usage is not quite what it seems. Imagine the jungles of Africa, 1981… Hot, dry, unexplored. American traveler Saxon Bingham enters the jungle alone. He discovers a tiny jail cell, empty in the middle of the jungle, surrounded by ancient bao-bao […]

$11.75