Look at you, living in some sort of “regular” house like you’re some king or something.
Oh, our apologies, your majesty! Apparently, you like living in a “neighborhood.”
Apparently, you think you need a “basement.”
How weak we are that we think you could get by in life without a “working fireplace.”
Well, you son of a gun, it’s time you’ve learned the truth.
Your opulent ways are a quick way to get yourself cloaked in the darkness of evil. The shadows of consumerism. The nastiness of nasty…stuff.
Gross, bro. You’re better than that.
Let us introduce you to something that is going to wrinkle out that furrowed forehead of yours.
Sitting there reading this screen like you’re the ruler of the universe. Probably sitting in your way too big living room with your feet up on the back of your dog. Treating him like a footstool. Come on man. You’re better than that.
We can show you the way. The new way of the future:
The Allwood Eagle Point DIY Cabin Kit.
The Allwood Eagle Point Cabin Kit is going to open your eyes to what life could be like.
Here’s how it works:
Yes, it’s a legit cabin.
You order it.
It comes in the mail.
You’ve got a nice chunk of land, so you build the cabin.
You realize it’s quite spacious.
Just over 1,100 square feet.
Which is the absolute perfect size.
You can even fit that dog you’ve been using as an ankle rest stop.
Now you’re living the life, the quiet life. The reserved life. The thoughtful life. In a two-story cabin that’s so wonderful and quaint. You may just read Henry David Thoreau’s Walden in your spare time. Or at least that article in “Top Heavy” you missed last time around.
When it comes to living the good life, your current situation just isn’t cutting it.
You need a place to call your own. And no, not some “Man Cave” or “She Shed.”
You need a wonderful cavern of luxurious rest.
Where the world can’t touch you.
Where you’re free to be you.
Where you can do whatever you please.
Well no, not that, you weirdo.
The Allwood Eagle Point Cabin Kit will make you a better person.
Frankly, it might make you into someone that understands the complexities of human life in a way you don’t quite grasp right now.
You’re probably flitting around your current residence, day to day, looking at your phone, making a quick sandwich and running out.
That garbage has got to stop.
You need a place for you. A place that you can hang a sign that says “NO LOSERS ALLOWED.” And you mean it.
Because you, my good sir, are no longer a loser.
You’re a winner. At life.
Nice DIY cabin, bro. You’ve done it.
Damn it feels good to be a gangsta.