Have no worries; we are here to guide you in wielding your considerable newfound purchasing power. You don’t want all the other rich people laughing at you when you make your first purchase, and it’s something sensible and boring like paying off your student debt or investing in property, do you?.
No, you need something extravagant. Something that really says “I just got rich, and I want everyone to know about it.” Something that lets any other billionaire houseguests know that you have gone straight past sensible wealthy, and are just a few days away from purchasing your own zeppelin. That’s why you need 4lb of Marky’s Imperial Osetra Caviar. Nothing says extravagant like caviar, and nothing says reckless spending like buying 4lb of it at once. Sure, you could buy a used mid-range car with pretty good mileage, or put down a downpayment on a sensible condo, but you’re a billionaire now! You don’t need practical things! You need extravagant things to feed your guests in your helicopter on the way to your third mansion on Maui. Stop thinking like a poor person and start thinking like someone who has completely lost touch with the meaning of money.
What are Bezos and Gates going to think when they turn up to your first soiree as a billionaire and you’re serving cheese and crackers like some sort of peasant? Good luck getting them back for your New Year’s luau! But if they walk in and see not one, not two, not three, but four pounds of Marky’s Imperial Osetra Caviar, heaped on a silver platter, you can bet they will be standing around your rare African warthog roast when the clock strikes twelve.
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