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Looking for a pet that’s out-of-this-world adorable? Look no further than Pet Sea Monkeys! These amazing little creatures are not only cute as can be, but they’re also super easy to care for. Just add water and watch them grow! Picture the first time you ever went to SeaWorld. Smell the saltwater emanating from what […]


It’s 2am. You’ve been out all night doing the things you do to keep your life interesting (you know, drinking liquids that inebriate and such). Standing in your kitchen, you think to yourself, “What in the name of all that is Snoop Doggy Dogg am I going to satiate the hunger that is bellowing deep […]


Are you a billionaire with no idea how to spend your money? Have no worries; we are here to guide you in wielding your considerable newfound purchasing power. You don’t want all the other rich people laughing at you when you make your first purchase, and it’s something sensible and boring like paying off your […]


Did you know… That in order to poop like the champion you really are, you should be eating a trillion grams of fiber every day? Though this statement is not true at all, it does make you think, doesn’t it? You may be thinking such questions as: What would a trillion grams of fiber look […]


Memoirs of bae Dear Potential Boyfriend – As a potential partner, I have amassed a list of demands that require your attention prior to us engaging in any sort of relationship. Please note my use of the word “demand.” The list below is not a vague representation of things I’d like. They are required certainties. […]

It’s Time. Time To Be Cool. Time To Play Capture The Flag! The cool kids in every single 1980’s movie had a few things in common: Awesome hair. Each follicle probably drenched to the tippy top with Aqua Net hairspray. That was the coolest way to make your hair look unnaturally stiff and also deplete […]


Oh goodness gracious, the humanity! The odor emanating from the human being across from you is horrendous. Awful. Outrageous. You really need a shower. You know the scent. It smells like a mixture of fermented jerky and a public restroom. How did it happen? Why does the person smell so bad? And, oh no. DO […]


There’s no way you’re still talking on your phone like it’s 2003, are you? If you are, there is very little hope for you. Frankly, why not just go all out and treat your phone usage like it’s 1897. Carry around an old wooden wall clock with a handset receiver and a cord, saying things […]

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The most successful human being that ever lived mastered two things: dreams and emotions. Who was this person of mystery? Her name was Alicia. Alicia lived in a little place you’ve probably never heard of before called New York City, New York (in the United States of America, which is within the continent of North […]

CALLING ALL PARTY ANIMALS! OK, the party animals are here! Look at you crazy party animals! Horses, sheep, pigs, cows! Wild and crazy party animals who just love having a good time, don’t they! Now do us a favor. Get out. You, get out of here. Every single last one of you. Horse? Back to […]


Sure, you know your three-month-old is a gentleman and a scholar, but does he look the part? Nothing degrades an academic’s sterling reputation faster than a full-diaper, spit-up stained onesie, and inability to grow facial hair. Fortunately, there’s a simple way to cover up your baby’s faults and transform them into the Rhodes Scholar they were born to be: the […]