The little, individually wrapped “cookie” treats that come after a delicious Chinese food meal are gross. They usually taste like a mixture of cardboard and some sort of wheat that probably expired in the late 1890s.
The only benefit of fortune cookies is you get to pull out a little fortune…which usually sucks.
“Oh, hey you’re life is a flower…blah…blah blah…”
“Smile at the universe and…boo…hoo…bleh.”
“The future is unlimited for blip…bloop…bleep.”
Shut up fortune cookie. You’re so annoying, people were forced to make them fun by adding “in bed” to the end of their fortunes just to liven things up.
Well, not anymore.
Introducing: Pechkeks Misfortune Cookies.
Pechkek saw the misery, pain, and disappointment that fortune cookies bestowed upon the world and decided to find a solution to the problem.
The answer? Absurdly hilarious, dark and twisted fortunes inside the most delicious cookies your little taste buds have ever had the pleasure of enjoying.
Now, instead of pretending to like boring old fortune cookies because you think it’s what you’re “supposed” to do, you can huck those bad boys right off the table.
Heck, you can pick one up, throw it on the ground and crush it with your foot, all the while screaming “IT’S TIME TO BUST OUT PECHKEKS! WE NO LONGER LIVE UNDER THE TYRANNY OF THE FORTUNE COOKIE!”
“Oh, how novel!” your guests will comment, as they’re greeted with a black package which contains a black cookie and an unexpectedly poignant, funny and horrifyingly accurate fortune.
These cookies are the perfect antidote to the bland, old nonsense. It’s your turn to kick up your dinner party a notch.
Here are five ways you could use these cookies, to make a bold statement to the world:
Breakfast dessert. That’s right, hombre. Dessert at breakfast. It’s not a thing, but guess what? You just made it one. Now everyone thinks you’re a genius. PLUS – the misfortune inside each cookie lets all of your guests start their day with a giggle. Win.
Tips. Imagine, instead of tipping someone with a buck or two, you give them a misfortune cookie. Holy, hell! You’ve turned the world of gratuity into an exciting, dynamic avenue for enjoyment!
Snacks. Ain’t nobody eating regular fortune cookies for snacks. Why? They suck. With Pechkeks Misfortune Cookies, you’ll want to keep a satchel or two of these bad boys with you all the time, not only for the taste but for that ever so lovely hit of dopamine when you read the fortune, and your mind thinks to itself, “Hell yeah, baby!”
Stocking Stuffers. Christmas comes but once a year, make that morning ritual of rifling through an old sock more meaningful and entertaining by filling it to the brim with black misfortune tastiness.
Bribes. Look, let’s get down to brass tacks. You need people to do stuff for you. Pay them off in Misfortune Cookies. They will either super appreciate it or be terrified. Either way: you get them to do what you want.
Pechkeks Misfortune Cookies are the treat you’ve been looking for…or in the words of Pechkek himself, “Buy these or you will probably die within 100 years.”
“The fortune you seek is in another cookie. A Black Cookie.”