Sure, you’re reading this like, “Yeah, dude, I know He was the son of Duke Robert of Normandy, also called ‘Robert the Devil’, and of Herlev (also known as Arlette), whose father, Fulbert, was a tanner: a trade deemed disgusting and carried out by despised people.”
Cool, bro. But that’s not it.
It’s about the bigger picture: Richard the Lionheart ushered in the dawn of the pillow fight.
Not the pillow fight that you’re thinking of.
Not the pre-teen little girls who can’t sleep because they’re all hopped up on kettle corn and American Idol.
Not the pillow fight you and your partner have after a mix-a-six pack of craft ale.
We get it. IPA twelve ouncers are decent.
But we’re talking about the real pillow fights.
The pillow fights that meant winner or loser in the community. The pillow fights that meant the success of the royal family for Richard, or the loss of it all.
Rule #1: Though may have one pillow weapon of their choice that does not include a standard size and shaped pillow. Thy may choose a double-sided Viking ax, a sword, nunchucks, or a ninja star.
Rule #2: Thy may choose to have the pillow fights in a bedroom, family room, fully finished and furnished basement or a living room (as long as there is ample room to rest after said battle)
Rule #3: Thy must not hit the head, forehead, cheek, neck, wrist, ankle, private parts or fat rolls of the opponent.
Does this leave only a small portion of pillow fighting available?
But it leaves only the best, most qualified fighters an opportunity to win.
An opportunity to be called Lionheart.
Oh, and here’s the rub: your opponent will probably show up with just a nonsense standard pillow.
That’s when you bomb through with every item. Every pillow weapon that can make a difference. You get every single one of them. The double-sided Viking ax, the sword, nunchucks, and the ninja star.
Your opponent might be like, “Oh, but you said you can only pick one extracurricular weapon.”
Yeah, dude. Shut-up.
Think ye ‘olde Lionheart would back off when people complained he didn’t follow the rules?
Nope. Neither would his family. Or his friends. Or his pets.
Stop being the classic lame brain that only brings regular pillows.
Bring a weapon to a pillow fight.
Make the man himself proud.
Be a Lionheart.
And if you can’t be a true Lionheart, just be a badass who has super cool pillow weapons.