The Airzooka

Pull up a chair, kid. I want to tell you a story.

A story of a man. A real man. A man who lived over a thousand years ago.

He was a warrior. A hero. The man every woman loves and every man envies.

His name? Air. Air Zooka.

It was a tribal name. A name he earned long ago, in the deepest jungles during the heat of battle.

You see, Mr. Zooka was the creator of one of the most ingenious contraptions ever made.

The item he fashioned was able to take pure air, gather it all up into an invisible mass – and shoot that air back into the earth with a fantastic amount of energy behind it.

Air Zooka – created air as a weapon. And it was glorious.

Unlike the typical combat of the day, however, Air Zooka was mostly involved in petty wars, and frankly, we’d mostly call them “pranks” today.

Here are some classic Air Zooka pranks:

  • Run up behind an elder tribesman and blow his wig off. CLASSIC ‘ZOOKA!
  • Creep up on a wild chipmunk and give them a stiff breeze compliments of the ZOOK MAN!
  • Pile up a significant amount of kindling and then pull out his contraption and blow it all down before someone could light it. OH, ZOOKS – YOU’RE HILLARIOUS!

Air Zooka became the stuff of legend. Members of his tribe talked about him for hundreds of years. They even tried to replicate the oh-so-glorious air machine he used for oh-so-many years.

Hundreds of years later, while surviving in the wild, unsurvivable jungles of Nevada, Bear Grylls stumbled upon a cave.

In that cave, he found them – the blueprints.

They miraculously survived.

We now can unveil to the purchasing public: an exact true-to-life remake of Air Zooka’s wind blowing machine. We call it… The Airzooka.

The Airzooka takes your life to the next level. Add air and wind to anything, and all of a sudden you are a glorious folk hero.

The Airzooka is perfect for creating a quick burst of air to use as only your imagination can suggest. Want to blow over a pile of kindling or an old man’s wig like good ol’ Zooks?

Well, for the first time since the time of Air Zooka, it’s now possible.

Want to come up with your own game of Air Tag with your best buds? Awesome, do that too.

Airzooka is the one and only air launcher. It blasts a ball of air anywhere you want, any time you want.

Although we are centuries removed from Air Zooka and his now infamous prank exploits, we, as a people now have the ability to recreate the life of a man who forever changed the world as we know it.

Order your Airzooka today,

and rest easy in the fact that you are now taking your rightfully deserved spot on the tree of life.

And while you’re up on that tree, how about blasting somebody with some air?

The Airzooka. Taking life, and blowing it out of the water.

“My whole life, I could not confirm nor deny that an ancient tribesman ever blew a wig off another tribesman, or that wigs even existed in the middle of the jungle over a century ago. But now, I have the proof. I have risked my life in the unsurvivable jungles of Nevada and found the blueprints to the Airzooka.”

-Bear Grylls