With the technological advances of the last decade apparent, it has always stunned the universe that there was not an easier way to access the simple pleasures of WiFi.
A brief look back at the incredible break-throughs shows a fantastic trajectory of monumental progress:
2011 – Albert Snoot introduces drinkable gasoline
2012 – Derek Jeter unveils flying cars
2013 – Carlos Frumdle invents wireless electricity
2014 – Marco Burnitz introduces the world to cold fire
2015 – Bob Dumpsterfire produces first ever feety pajamas
What a boon for the planet all of these wondrous inventions were!
But how could we talk about them with poor WiFi? How could we share only the hottest pics and or vids of these futuristic things?
Enter: WiFi in a can.
Simply unscrew this little tin of power and BOOM. WiFi all up in your dojo. Or your home. Or your workspace. Or your luxurious bathroom. Or your flying car. Wherever.
No longer must you sit and stare at a little icon that reveals to the world you are unable to connect to the world wide web. What a tangled web we weave, when once we attempt to connect to a lame wireless router.
Say it with us: WIFI SHOULD BE MY-FI!
And so it shall be.
This can of WiFi can provide any piece of technology with free connections at any speed: LTE, 3G, 4G, 5G.
We even have reports of a guy in North Dakota who connected at 73G. His head exploded when he connected, but still. Bad ass, right?
WiFi in a can will produce the connection you’ve always dreamed of!
Yup, you read that right. And all without the messy cords, wires, routers or nonsense that archaic providers once required.
What are you — a caveman?
Are you trying to connect to some bush league 14.4 KBPS modem so you can download some ASCII art of a saber tooth tiger?
Not on our watch.
WiFi in a can is here.
Simply open the can and behold the beauty of fumes. Fumes that will creep into your laptop, tablet or phone to produce instantaneous, flawless WiFi. Hot damn that’s a beautiful thing.
The future is here. The feety pajamas you thought were so revolutionary? That’s so 2015.
Step into the future. Step into WiFi in a can.
Here are several other ways we’ve found consumers use WiFi in a can:
Pose with it for a school picture.
Use it as lifts to make yourself appear 3.75” taller.
Play catch with a chimpanzee at a public zoo.
Juggle in front of a group of Senior Citizens to make their day.
Offer it to your neighborhood library for children to marvel at.
Use the vapors to clear up that pesky sinus infection.
Stare at it to align the majority of your chakras.
There are unlimited ways to maximize WiFi in a can. Welcome to the future of the past, now. Or sooner than later. Or maybe tomorrow. Definitely reasonably soon, at the very least.
Disclaimer: WiFi in a can doesn’t actually contain WiFi or chakra aligning capabilities. At least, not from our experience. But hey, you may be able to get it to work. But, at least it will result in one of the greatest gift pranks of all time.