Unique Gifts for Unique People.
100% of Profit Goes to Charity.

Generic filters

The Shred Cube

Share the Shred Cube with your friends:

eyebrow emoji by define awesome

What’s a Shred Cube?

Well, let’s all be honest with each other for just a moment, shall we?

Even though you consider yourself a really good, wholesome person who only looks out for the wellbeing of those around you and the planet in general, that’s not always the case when it comes to what you’re doing on your computer…

Emoji with his tongue hanging and crazy eyes
The Shred Cube 1

Your digital footprint is an absolute horror show.

We know it, you know it, and the world at large could know it if you’re not careful.

Interesting emoji

Let’s take a look at some of the questionable documents you may have on your computer:

A Microsoft Word Document from 1998 that is a personal journal of your college escapades. If that thing sees the light of day, you can kiss any future employment goodbye

(Sidenote: What the heck is a “beer bong” and how did you make one out of a car exhaust?)

Define Awesome Monacle Emoji
smiling cat.

A .WMV video file from 2002 of you crying in the middle of the night because you were scared your cat ran away

(Sidenote: Come to find out, your cat was in the litter box with an upset stomach from all the Fancy Feast you snuck her earlier in the day)

Every tax document you’ve ever prepared for yourself, starting out from when you somehow managed to lead a life where you were only making $7,019 a year. This is also the same year you thought it would be a good idea to claim your Motorola RAZR phone as a “Business Expense.” Doubt it, dude.

The Shred Cube 2
define awesome shhh quiet emoji

These are sensitive documents, pal. VERY sensitive.

You might have even more private files on your computer you don’t want to tell people about.

Say…all those MP3 files you illegally downloaded from Napster? Sinnner…

Surprised Emoji by Define Awesome
Define Awesome Hug Emoji

Well, good news is on the horizon our court fearing friends:

The Shred Cube is here.

This complete device for all your file shredding needs has arrived, and it’s taking all prisoners. All file prisoners, that is.

The Shred Cube gets rid of any trace of all those sensitive documents you want erased from your hard drive (and your life).

Whether you’re a professional office responsible for highly sensitive client or patient documents, or more likely – a normal, everyday person who has stuff on their computer that they’d rather forget existed…this is the answer.

The Shred Cube 4

Consider the Shred Cube like a gigantic, flame throwing Godzilla for your past life. It’ll bomb through your files with the fire breathing heat that no document, video, photo or frankly anything sensitive on your computer can survive.

Love emoj

Shred Cube does all this file clearing madness without disturbing the rest of your computer or any files you’d actually like to keep.

So, how about this:

Get the Shred Cube, get rid of your questionable files and move on with your life.

define awesome laughing emoji
The Shred Cube 5

Now you can use your computer for the important things in life, such as playing Solitaire. Or Minesweeper.

PS: Can you imagine how many Shred Cubes are being ordered right now by politicians? We bet many. MANY.