WHAT ARE YOU, SOME KIND OF JERK THAT JUST HAS REGULAR PICKLES THAT DON'T YODLE?
Man oh man, what an embarrassment you are.
Look, we didn’t want to have to start off this way, but come on. You’re better than this.
You’re better than some “average Joe” who is just skulking around with a regular pickle.
Oh, it’s a dill pickle you say? Grow up, dude.
Do you even know there are pickles that can yodel?
YODEL, BRO.
Those lame little vinegar cucumbers you’ve got in a jar don’t seem very cool anymore, do they?
Home of the yodeling pickle.
There are thousands of reasons to purchase your very own yodeling pickle, so we’ve pickle-picked 4 common scenarios to help you on your way:
1. The 'Ol Pickle-in-The-Pocket Prank
We all were ROFL at the original, ingenious idea of placing a pickle in an innocent bystanders pocket prank.
Well we have news for you, buckaroo. Now next time you go to Wal-Mart, you can up your prank game and place yodeling pickles in people’s pockets!
Go from hilarious to hilariously awesome in one simple pickle purchase.
2. The Yodeling Pickle Comes in Clutch When Your Car Breaks Down.
Think someone is going to stop on the side of the road to help your boring behind because you’re holding a satchel of bread and butter pickle chips?
Doubt it.
Think you’ll have a line of admirers working as quickly as humanly possible to fix your old jalopy as soon as it’s flagged down by a yodeling pickle?
You’re damn right!
3. The Yodeling Pickle is Awesome for Karaoke
You used to think you were so clever and entertaining when you would sing “Ice Ice Baby” by the venerable Rob “Vanilla Ice” Van Winkle at karaoke.
Yeah, we get it.
We stopped, we collaborated, we listened. But it’s nothing but a lousy imitation. Sorry.
Want to up your game? “Up next, yodeling, please welcome to the stage the yodeling pickle!” You hold up this little baby to the mic and the place goes wild. Now that’s what we’re talking about. Originality, baby!
4. The Yodeling Pickle Makes For The Perfect Date Night
Do you waste time on dates talking to your almost future boyfriend?
Awful. Nobody cares how you like the food, or how you learned to juggle when you were eight years old.
How about cutting right to the chance by placing the wondrous yodeling pickle onto the table?
Now, you both can sit and enjoy the gorgeous tones of yodeling straight from the gherkins mouth.
Now that you’ve learned all of the ways that the yodeling pickle can change your life, do us a favor and throw out every single boring, non-yodeling pickle you’ve got in your house.
Out with the old pickles, in with the new.
BONUS: The yodeling pickle may also be worn as a fashion accessory. Yodeling pickle necklace, earrings or a belt ornament are perfect companions to your beautiful grillz and already bodacious style.
The yodeling pickle: because it’s awesome.
