NASA has been very clear: “On July 20, 1969, Neil Armstrong was the first human to walk on the moon.”
What NASA has conveniently omitted, in their account of moon landings and space exploration are the details surrounding the first non-human to walk on the moon.
Thankfully, we have done our due diligence for you. We’ve done the research. We’ve spent hundreds of hours in the library combing through the card catalog and microfiche.
We proudly present to you: the first-ever account of Garron, the bum winged parrot who visited outer space.
The year was 1881.
Garron, the well-known pet of steel magnate Arthur “Pipes” McGinty was acting odd.
By all accounts found during our research, it appears as though Garron had suddenly taken a strong interest in escaping the mansion atrium he was living in.
McGinty had been very vocal about his struggles, as recounted by a former employee in his daily work diary:
“Pipes is at it again. His pride and joy parrot has consumed all of his time. The steel plant is in shambles. We cannot gain his attention, ‘for the old man thinks of nothing but the well-being of his bird, who he believes is trying to make its way into the clouds.”
The parrot spent night and day ramming into the glass surrounded atrium until one day Pipes McGinty had had enough. Sleepless nights, endless distraction and a complete inability to keep his parrot at bay – he decided to open the door and set him free.
The problem? The parrot had spent so much time bumping into the glass, he had hurt his wing. Garron the parrot made it three feet out of the door and flopped down on the ground.
Pipes hastily put a sling around the parrot. The parrot, filled with pride, flew on the strength of one wing up into the sky. Into the clouds – and into space!
“There goes Garron, my bum winged parrot – forever the explorer!” McGinty announced while looking at his parrot in flight.
Missing his parrot (and best pal), Pipes became listless. Inconsolable.
Until he realized he needed to lure his best pal back. “If it’s space he wants, it’s space I’ll give him!”
Pipes invested $42 million dollars into the creation of:
The Home Planetarium Star Projector Machine
Featuring over 60,000 twinkling stars, it was able to project the look of high definition space in any dark room.
“Garron shall come back to me! For this is the most powerful” he pined. “It shall be the most advanced indoor star projector planetarium ever!”
Unfortunately, no record of Garron the bum winged parrot officially reaching space or the moon exists.
The only final closure is, once again, the work diary from a gentleman at McGinty’s steel mill:
“Old man McGinty has officially gone crazy. His mustache touches both walls when he is in a room. He’s unkempt. His parrot never returned. Pipes tells us he’s pretty sure he spotted him on the moon. We all think he is losing his vision…and his mind…”
So did a hum winged parrot make its way to the moon? We can’t be sure.
What we can be sure of is that the foundation laid by “Pipes” McGinty has led us to the incredible technology behind this one of a kind item. The most advanced, beautiful, bright and powerful indoor planetarium star projector ever.
It really is a wonder.
Included in the box of wonder which is so much more than just a star projector? The Sega Homestar FLUX, USB cable, two discs (more than 30 optional star discs available). Gorgeous packaging, high-quality glass lenses. It’s everything a hum winged parrot (or maybe you) could ever want.