You’re Fired – The Button
The two words no one wants to tell their employees.
So, why say it yourself?
Who better than Trump to say it for you every time you’re itching to tell that one person that’s been bothering you a little too much?
Give them a reason to fear you.
The person hearing those two words won’t know if you’re being serious or if you’re joking. They will let out an uneasy chuckle while looking into your face and your tone of voice for clarification from their confused state. The only thing that they will be met with is a straight face.
You Mean Business.
If you were to tell someone they’re fired in every circumstance, it won’t sound official, but no matter what position you’re in, if Trump says you’re fired, you know it’s over.
Take your Uber driver, Sonia, for example.
She was driving, like, way too slow.
She was also yelling at her mother on the phone because she just started her moon cycle last night. That’s like TMI girl. Cry on your own time, not during my fly ride time.
So you go ahead and give that You’re Fired button a try.
Yup, you just made Sonia cry, and she drops you off on the side of the road in the middle of the Sonoran Desert.
But you know that Trump does not accept moon cycles as a real thing- You’re Fired!
Whew it is hot in the desert. But that is also just a side effect of the button, get heated and keep firing.
Confidence No One Can Match
Now, Back to Sonia and her moon. She took Donald Trump’s voice very seriously.
She broke out as a free spirit and decided to ride horses across the desert after hearing Trump success story. Trump has had his fair share of hiring and firing. Since he has had a lot of practice, the amount of confidence in his voice when he says those two dreaded words is unmatched by anyone else.
Sonia knew this, read Donald Trumps Book three times, and began to fire everyone from her life. Now she pets horses for a living and listens to the tone of Trump’s sweet voice to boost her confidence from time to time.
An Uncanny, Familiar Voice
When Sonia hears Trump’s voice every time, she presses the button she hears “you’re fired” – and is sent into a flashback, except it’s a blurry flashback.
Like, when a familiar scent gets through your nostrils, or when your taste buds encounter a familiar taste and instead of being filled with food or oxygen, she gets filled with nostalgia from her Uber days.
Petting horses and watching them graze beneath her mother moon is way better.
This button will give that feeling of unfamiliar nostalgia to whoever hears it.
Use with Caution Sonia
After praying to the moon, Donald Trump appeared in Sonia’s dreams giving her three warnings of caution.
As much as you may love to press this button, fight the urge to push it every interaction. Pressing the button too often may lead to the development of unwanted features. We take no responsibility in the event of the following. He recommends overusing the Fail button instead.
For the sake of your well being, please use this button in moderation, Sonia.
1. Spray Tan
If you use this button too often, you may find that at the end of long days, your white shirts have a hint of orange to them. You will develop wrinkles in unexpected places that become storage places for excess spray tan, which are visibly more orange than the rest of your skin.
Every inch of your skin will be covered with this orange substance except for a circle around your eye. No matter how hard you try, that area will always stay your true skin color.
Each bead of sweat that will be excreted by your body will be so concentrated in the orange goo that it will no longer have the consistency of water. After a while, the spray tan will be flowing in your bloodstream as well.
2. Tiny Hands
The more you overuse this button the bigger you may feel you are getting. You may think you are turning into a giant. This isn’t the case as you will quickly discover that your hands are just getting much smaller.
You may have a harder time grasping your phone, your loved ones’ hand, or an accurate understanding of reality. You will find it harder to hold onto any remaining respect you have for others and their views.
Since your hands have gotten so much smaller, you may find that you will be doing much more exaggerated hand gestures to make sure that your point gets across. The smaller your hands get, the more exaggerated the movements will become.
You will realize that you’re hair is starting to slide off your head. No, not fall off completely, but slide off slowly.
Every time a breeze passes by, you will feel your toupee lift off your head and fall right back into place. Every time you bend over, instinctively, you will put your hand on your head to prevent your toupee from falling off.
The main reason you will keep on wearing it will be to take some of the attention away from the spray tan that is smudging on everything you touch.
Gold beyond Imagination
Sonia found that everything she owned soon became plated with gold. She was overfilled with joy, dancing and prancing everywhere. she felt like a confident fairytale princess with all of the gold that starts to appear out of thin air.
Dreaming about trump and getting fired was the best thing that ever happened to her. She drops all the rejects off in the Sonoran Desert and rides away on her horse like a free spirit watching as the fired souls burn up in the desert behind her.
She wants to give a thank you to Trump and her moon.