2020 is going to a magnificent year filled with technological marvels that were unimaginable just a decade ago.
Thanks to the internet, our planet is now more connected than ever.
Futurists suggest that in just a few short years, we’ll have a global economy, location independent jobs, energy that is not dependent on precious fossil fuels and even access to free education.
Wow. Who cares? Literally no one.
No one cares. Why? Because we still won’t be able to talk to our pets.
WRONG, BUCKAROO. WRONG.
Introducing the most important device ever created, not just in this decade, but in the history of this little blue marble that’s floating in space:
We’ll give you just a minute to go grab a tissue, because you’re likely crying with excitement right now and even sweating a little bit with nervousness wondering how this technology works.
(OK, you’re back).
Let’s start by answering the questions that are sure to be on your mind:
The animal translator collar is placed gently around your pet, and through an artificial intelligence system is able to understand what your pet is attempting to communicate – and then through its speaker, it will say it to you in English. Friggin’ science, right? Nuts.
Q: Can it work with my pet iguana, Marco?
A: Hell yes.
Q: I’m concerned because I’m fairly certain that my pet pigeon has a bit of a stutter, an overbite, braces, and an enlarged tongue. Will the animal translator be able to understand him?
Will it interfere with his retainer or restrict his wheelchair in any way?
Dude, your pigeon has teeth? WTF?!
Q: Will the animal translator help confirm my suspicion that my pet ferret El Diablo Con El Vestido Azul is trying to slowly poison me while I’m sleeping with what I believe is a concoction of moldy bread, tangerine skins and old knee hairs soaked in lye?
A: Absolutely – this is the #1 reason most consumers choose our product.
Q: Does it, or does it not take two to tango?
A: It does not take two to tango.
The animal translator works with any animal, and in any language.
Oh, and one final thing:
IT’S NOT REAL!!! IT’S A PRANK BOX!!!
OH MAN! WHAT A GAG WILL BE HAD!
Your present will be in a box that simply looks like an animal translator! THE FRIGGIN’ THING DOESN’T EXIST!
What a laugh you’ll have at the expense of your gift receiver.
Frankly, this may be the perfect gift to actually find out the deepest concerns of your pet owner (especially if they have a ferret who is attempting to slowly poison them).
The pet translator is now available on Amazon with same-day shipping. The perfect way to give the gift of laughter.
Disclaimer: Please notify the authorities if you or someone you know is being held hostage by a ferret.