First off, we all need a money printer. And guess what? Whoever told you money doesn’t grow on trees is a filthy liar.
Money does grow on trees.
In fact, it’s super easy to grow money trees wherever you want, here’s all you need to do in 6 simple steps:
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Step 1.
Get three Susan B. Anthony coins, four wheat pennies, a 1804 Silver Dollar, Class I coin, eighty one 1787 Brasher Doubloons and a purse full of Roman gold stamped coins with the unscathed face of Julius Caesar on it from between the years 59-57 B.C. -
Step 2.
Plant ½ of the coins in soil that you are absolutely certain is untouched earth from the Mesozoic age. -
Step 3.
Water the soil every 17 seconds with a mixture of soy bean water, cashew milk, goat dander and butterfly eyelashes. -
Step 4.
Take the other ½ of the coins and plant them directly underneath the center of the leaning tower of Pisa in Piazza del Duomo, Italy. -
Step 5.
Wait 194 years. -
Step 6.
Boom - cash tree.
It’s that easy.
Oh, we should note, if you don’t follow the plan exactly, and also live to be at least 194 years old, the tree will never grow.
Sound too difficult? We get it, we’re super lazy too (and don’t have very good access to the underbelly of the Leaning Tower of Pisa).
Thankfully – there IS a better way!
Introducing: The Portable MONEY PRINTER.
If you love money but also hate the idea of having to earn it, boy are you going to love this bad boy.
It prints actual money you can use anywhere!
Check Out These 7 Innovative Ways To Use The Money Printer:
1. Use it at the bank!
Time to make a deposit? Just whip out the money printer and watch the magic happen.
1. Use it in the car!
Get pulled over for speeding in your fast new car (courtesy of the money printer)? Pay the cops to not give you a speeding ticket!
3. Use it to take care of your legacy!
Time is money, so, why not give your grandson his inheritance early!
4. Use it to become a philanthropist!
You could even print a few billion dollars and donate one of the few to charity!
5. Use it to go to space!
You could buy a trip to space and hang with your bro Elon on mars, or even build your own space station. If you go to the moon, you could open up a casino and then bet more of your fake money while you’re there. Imagine: you could win fake moon money by printing fake money here on earth. Wow.
The ways you can use this money printer are literally limitless.
You could pay anyone to do anything. No more “I owe you’s” or rainchecks. You now run the show.
With the money printer, you can walk up and down the street like a modern day John D. Rockefeller handing out cash to everyone you see. Not only will you be instantly popular, but everyone will fall at your feet with praise and adulation.
It’s everything you’ve ever wanted without actually having to work with it! Fantastic!
Make money the new old fashioned way: just print it.
It’s a prank gift box, dude. Put a gift inside, hilarity ensues. The money tree recipe? That's for real.
Our Favorite Amazon Review of the Money Printer:
