[POLICE RADIO ANNOUNCEMENT]
We Repeat, Attention Great Citizens!
We have an alert for an unusual sighting in the residential area you are currently residing in.
There have been reports of a lion in your neighborhood.
We repeat, there have been reports of a lion in the neighborhood.
If you see this majestic creature, do not approach it. Reports tell us the lion is smaller than a typical lion, friendly and responds to the name “Fido“.
Darnit. Not Again.
Are you kidding me? We’ve been had.
It’s a fluffy puppy!
A fluffy puppy with a lion’s mane wig on!
Hot dang, that’s hilarious!
OK, fake news, as usual, people. Everybody, back to business. Nothing to worry about.
We repeat: it’s just an adorable, friendly fluffy puppy with a lion’s mane wig.
Thank you for your time. Over and out. [END]
That is an actual transcript of a police report that may or may not have happened at some point.
Can you believe it? A dog wearing a lion’s wig? Who would think of such a thing!
You would, you dog-loving, creative so and so! Oh, you’re such a good boy, aren’t you!
The lion’s mane wig is realistic, comfortable, and will make your pup look like the king of the jungle. Or, neighborhood.
What more could you possibly ask for?
Not only could you (obviously) use the lion’s mane wig to let your dog trot around your house, neighborhood and party like the king he is, but there is more – much more underneath the surface of why you might want to consider purchasing the easy to clean, durable and beautiful lions mane dog wig costume.
Real-life use example: Your dog is in the witness protection program.
Sure, we’re calling him Fido, just as a goof, but we all know your canine is named Franklin D. Mertz and is from Sioux City, Iowa.
Mertz had to be relocated for undisclosed reasons, and it’s in the best interest of both you (as the handler) and the dog. You may even consider getting a fake mustache and a cool monocle to go along with this wig JUST IN CASE.
The Truth: Your dog is actually a lion at heart. We all firmly believe in the “fake it ‘til you make it” ideology. Your dog does too. In their heart, they know they’re a lion, just aching to get out. Make the wig step one, and step two might just be the loudest roar you’ve ever heard.
No, for real, your “dog” is a lion. Maybe you “accidentally” imported a lion from Africa. Or, perhaps you “Accidentally” shaved off its mane.
Maybe you “accidentally” house trained it. Now, in retrospect, those were all terrible ideas.
You’ve come to terms with the poor choices you’ve made in life, and you’re ready to make amends. Make the wig a peace offering. Make the wig the sign of your new, honest life.
These are just a few of the ways you can reign supreme as the owner of a “dog” with a lion’s mane wig. Comfortable, stylish, durable, washable, ridiculous, awesome. All the words that describe this wig (and you).
Just imagine all of the adorable ways your fluffy puppy can now surprise everyone, everywhere!
“I’m so honored that the genius who invented the lions mane did so in my honor. I proudly wear my lions mane every single day. Oh wait, you said this is for dogs? Cut, cut the tape.”
-Oprah “the lioness” Winfrey