WHAT?! ARE YOU STILL TOUCHING STUFF WITHOUT FINGER COVERS LIKE SOME TWO BIT JABRONI FROM PLANET “I’M INSANE-A-TOPIA?!”
You must be out of your barely functioning, rummage sale quality brain if you think touching door handles, ATM buttons or pretty much everything on planet Earth that isn’t the underbelly of a newborn kitten is safe.
Since it has become so readily apparent that both your brain cells are failing, and you’ve still been touching stuff in public, we’re going to solve the problem for you.
Introducing: The Silicone Germaphobe Door Handle Opener Finger Covers.
How dare you think you could go out into the world and use those pretty little digits of yours to touch things. Things that other gross human beings have also touched.
Here are just a few reasons you’ll want to wear Silicone Germaphobe Door Handle Opener and finger covers the next time you go out:
1. ATM Number Pads are usually covered in 80% hair, 19% strawberry jam and 1% unknown animal feces.
2. Door Handles have been scientifically proven to harbor more germs than every single toilet in the universe, combined! Yes, even that toilet you once used at a convenience store at 3am because you “couldn’t possibly make it home without exploding” and then quickly realized “this bathroom definitely looks like a scene out of a 1970s horror film.”
3. Public transportation handles that you think “keep you balanced” are actually used to hold loins of random meats after hours. Pork loin, lamb lon, hamster loin. When you’re not hanging on those little hooks, some crazy weird meat is. That’s pretty gross, right? It’s true. How do you think the public transportation system stays in business? With your $1 to ride from uptown to downtown? No, by renting out the busses to meat factories after hours.
These are just three places you could use this stylish Silicone Germaphobe Door Handle Opener and finger cover.
No more wondering, “Hey, was the last person who opened up this door or crossed this crosswalk? Was it somebody who had a hand full of papercuts, just finished a salami sandwich and sneezed nasty germs all over their fingers?”
All good. You’ve got it covered. “It” being your precious little fingerprints.
Don’t make a stop to your neighborhood ATM without them. We’ve heard that in 100% of the cases recorded, that the person who used the ATM before you not only coughed directly onto the keypad, but they also licked it.
Wow. Unbelievable.
Don’t let the grossness of other people penetrate your life any longer.
Get The Silicone Germaphobe Door Handle Opener and finger cover.
This is the next best thing to a full biohazard suit that you wear over your other biohazard suit.
It’s like a tiny little safe haven for your most important spot: the thing that touches all the things – your finger.
Consider it like a cape for the finger superhero you already know you have.
Now, you’re officially safe from the yucks.
