Do you know what the state bird of New Jersey is?
Hey you, take a look at my hand and read between the lines!
Also, right now, we’re doing that thing where we blow into our thumb and pretending that the air is inflating our middle finger.
Many people don’t fully understand where the middle finger salute came from.
So, before you quickly go and buy 100 of these middle finger candles simply because they’re awesome, let us share with you the history of the bird.
In 1799, there was a gentleman named Earl “Stubby” Timkins who lived in New England.
Good ‘Ol Stubby loved two things:
He would bust the chops of everyone in town, just for the hell of it.
From putting maple syrup in the cobbler’s shoes to putting bawdy signs like “AN OLD TEET LIVES HERE” on cow stables, Stubby just loved to get people’s goat.
Stubby got up early, which was easy, because he never actually went to sleep the night before.
Filled to the gills with moonshine, he stumbled down to Ol’ Porterman’s Goat Pasture.
The racket woke Ol’ Porterman who came outside holding a candle lantern to see what the hub-bub was about.
What most people also aren’t aware of is that Ol’ Porterman was actually entertained by Stubby.
Since the times have changed and goats aren’t as prevalent in suburbia or cities, you may have a hard time actually getting someone’s goat (just like Stubby).
Do the next best thing –