Once upon a time, a long, long time ago, there was a fellow named Frank.
Frank Crap.
Frank loved eating, drinking, having a merry good time and oh, he also loved him some alone time in the bathroom.
Living in a small town, Frank became somewhat of a local celebrity for his gregarious personality and outrageous acts of silliness.
You see, Frank loved going out on the town, whooping it up and then returning to his home for a nice nightcap: a fill of the porcelain bowl.
Here is just a brief example of what an average night out itinerary consisted of for good ol’ Mr. Crap:
5:00 pm – Work ends
5:01 pm – Frank begins drinking light beer as a way to unwind from the day. Frank would drink between 6-8 light beers while calling his friends to see “what they were up to” for the evening.
6:03 pm – Frank would go into his bathroom, his sweet, sweet, quiet sanctuary. He’d relieve himself from the 96 ounces of beer he just consumed and smile lovingly as he flushed the toilet. “You’re a good friend” he would say quietly.
6:48 pm – Frank saddles up at “Mr. Wings Taco & Hot Sauce Brew House” around the corner from his home. He continues to drink copious amounts of beer and eat even more copious amounts of food
7:49 pm – Karaoke is in full swing. Frank Crap can sure hold a tune. No one could sing “Baby Got Back” quite like Frank. The ladies would swoon, but Frank wasn’t going home with any ladies tonight. He had a special friend to go back to.
9:58 pm – Time to leave. Hundreds of ounces of beer and dozens of tacos later, he has satiated his famously oversized appetite.
Only one thing left to do, and the whole town knew it: it was time to visit the porcelain goddess.
Only one thing left to do, and the whole town knew it: it was time to visit the porcelain goddess.
But one evening, something terrible happened.
Frank Crap returned to his home to find the bathroom in complete darkness.
There was no way to see his beloved evacuation station.
And then, in a moment of pure, unadulterated inspiration, it came to him:
THE WORLD SHALL HAVE ILLUMINATED TOILETS!
Frank worked through the night to design what is now globally recognized as the single greatest invention in human history.
Safe.
Motion-activated.
Bright.
Colorful.
