At some point over the last decade, toilet timers have revealed that our time in the bathroom has increased exponentially.
What are we doing there in the powder room?
Showering more effectively?
Shaving more accurately and intensely?
Taking our dental care game to the next level?
Doubt it.
It’s likely that we’re sitting on the toilet staring at a tiny little screen like the almost monkeys we are.
Apparently, we’ve all decided, as a human race, that there is no better spot to stare at user generated content than the porcelain bowl. The toilet. The crap shack. The feces releases into pieces house.
Sad. But also…awesome.
I mean, who knew that going to the bathroom would feel like a vacation?
Remember just a short time ago in history where going to the bathroom felt like a chore?
We’d be forced to read the back of toothpaste tubes or a Country Living magazine that our mother’s had left in there.
Ugh. Gross out, dude. We get it.
Proctor and Gamble has the breath freshening game on lock.
Yes, checkered curtains would look nice alongside a shabby chic lamp. Lame.
But a phone that can allow us to both simultaneously judge our friends on social media and do our private business? Sign us up!
Unfortunately, like all wonderful things, we’ve pushed it to the limit.
Time in the bathroom has increased from an average of three minutes and eight seconds in 1992 to over eight hours as of 2019.
That’s per session.
Unbelievable.
How can this seemingly impossible situation be remedied?
No more treating the toilet like it’s some sort of cheap AirBNB.
Here are three other ways the toilet timer will change your life:
- 1. Now that you’re on a strict deadline to poop, your intestines will probably feel less stress, because before they felt like they were on constant display, even when they had nothing left to give.
- 2. Your left leg will stop falling asleep when you’re on the john, which means no more trying to stand up then falling flat on your face…or holding the bathroom sink for leverage so you don’t fall over like some sort of goon.
- 3. Now you know what’ societally acceptable as far as a time in the restroom…as opposed to before where people may have very well assumed you were writing your last will and testament in there it was taking you so long.
Your life is about to change.
The Toilet Timer is the reason.
Are you ready to be the best human being you can? Welcome the Toilet Timer into your life. Case closed.