Ugh. The grind of the workweek. You’re up and at’ em every day, and you’re working your tail off for the man. By the time the end of the week arrives, it’s all about a little “you time.” Sit back, relax, enjoy a nice pallet of bacon soda pops and slip into something a little […]
Step Out of The Shower onto… Blood? Have you ever wanted a gift that just screamed “Oh dear lord, I’ve severed an artery! Am I about to hit the end game at life”? You have? Really? Well, this is awkward. Hang on. Wait. I’ve got it! Yeah, this should do it! How about a bath […]
There’s no way you’re still talking on your phone like it’s 2003, are you? If you are, there is very little hope for you. Frankly, why not just go all out and treat your phone usage like it’s 1897. Carry around an old wooden wall clock with a handset receiver and a cord, saying things […]
MY NAME IS PRISON MIKE. THEY CALL ME PRISON MIKE BECAUSE I’VE BEEN IN PRISON. AND MY NAME IS MIKE. You think it’s all fancy dances and handshakes in prison? Because let me tell you, buddy, it’s not. It’s not waking up leisurely at quarter past eight while a butler gives you a nice warm […]
2019 – What a time to be alive! It would easy to joke about Qoobo, a pillow with a wagging tail designed to help comfort people who, for whatever reason, can’t have a pet. But we’re nice, so… We’re not going to do it. We’re simply going to tell you how this wonderful, soft, robot […]
Murder is a common theme in Game of Thrones. Just when you get attached or start sympathizing with a character…boom! They’ve been barbecued with wildfire or had their throat sliced end to end like a sacrificial goat. More than 30 characters died in the season six finale, and yet you yearn for more Westeros mystery […]
Congratulations! It’s a new baby! As opposed to an old baby, which, let’s be honest would be super weird. Last thing your lady friend would want is to give birth to an 86 year old retired accountant who all of a sudden immediately starts hounding the happy couple about their lack of diversified stock portfolio. […]
The most successful human being that ever lived mastered two things: dreams and emotions. Who was this person of mystery? Her name was Alicia. Alicia lived in a little place you’ve probably never heard of before called New York City, New York (in the United States of America, which is within the continent of North […]
The sheer amount of high-five’s I now receive on almost an hourly basis is indubitably due to the style of my hair, the cool wolf I have, and owning a toilet paper blaster.
-Kit Harington
No more worrying about “other people’s feelings” or “communicating effectively.” A real girlfriend is nothing but an annoyance. How many times do you have to sneak out to the garage to just get five minutes of peace and quiet?
Even children are smart enough to know that robots are taking over the world. Between artificial intelligence, voice-activated everything and the future landscape of employment basically being taken over by lines of code, where can we turn for comfort? Who could possibly help our kids in such uncertain times? We’ll tell you who: this friggin’ […]
Just imagine your friend yelling at the printer or clapping in front of the TV like a dufus, losing it and ending up screaming in frustration!
Let’s pop right to the chase: this is a bubble suit that will change your life. You sit there, bored. Looking around. Dreaming of a better life. You get five minutes to yourself and you decide to lay down. Take a nap. Have a rest. You think about “what could have been.” You think about […]
You probably have a perfect reason for viewing this product. Maybe you’re in pain. Your neck, shoulders, head, and back. Whatever it is, we’re sure it’s probably not fun. Maybe you even feel a little bit bad for yourself, and are thinking “Is the Vinmax Over the Door Cervical Traction Set even going to do […]
Make fire a part of you. Well, your arm at least. Take hold of one of the greatest, most powerful elements in the palm of your wrist, and unleash your wrath upon: Hot dogs Burgers Steak That bee that’s just waiting for the right moment, but first wants to fly around and tease you, freaking […]
Never touch or pet your pets again! The Pet Petter is the perfect gift for the dog or cat lover. This automatic petting device has 4 different speeds
Ever heard of Baxter Umbrella? Not to spoil the story, but let’s get right to it: he’s the inventor of the umbrella backpack. But do you know why he invented the umbrella? Let’s take a journey back to the monumental year of 1837. Baxter had a passion for taking photographs. Back then the hobby was […]
What’s the story behind the temporary tattoo printer anyways? Well, it all started like this… Date: Sunday, April 19th Time: 3:13am Place: Carl’s Ink & Stink The customer walked through the door smelling of a mix of under carbonated light beer and dollar store cigarettes. They remarked “YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE, AND ME WANTS A […]
Ditch the house, dude – it’s time to start camping like a champion. Sell the house, drop the mortgage, the electric bill, the gas bill, the water bill, the taxes. All that nonsense. We proudly present a better way to live: the 10’x10’ Backroadz SUV tent for Camping Like a Champion Let us tell you […]
Roll up to the party like, “ANYONE WANT A TASTE OF MY BACON SODA?” Utter such a phrase and the party guests will immediately turn into putty in your fingers. Mold them, dear friend. Mold them to love you. To appreciate you. To turn the party into the most epic of all epicness. You can […]
With all deez holidayz around the corner, isn’t it time you treat yourself to some gold plated grillz for that wonderfully pretty smile of yours? Let’s cut right to the chase: you deserve better. You deserve more. You have earned the prettiest smile in all the land. So how can you achieve that goal? Easy, […]
Meet Mister Chubbles, the cat that makes other cats look lazy. Have you ever heard of a cat that earns enough money to pay the mortgage on a nice, mid-sized starter home? How about a cat that is not only painstakingly precise when it comes to floor maintenance, but also has an incredible knack for […]
There is someone in your life who needs to be pranked. You know it, we know it, everybody knows it. But, how can you ensure maximum prank level action? Sure, you could do the old stand-bys: A whoopee cushion. A bucket of water on the top of a door. A phone call asking if their […]
This little tie cooler fan is going to change everything. All we need is a little USB power, plug it in and control it. Personal cool. That’s what defines us moving forward.
Does it smell like success in here, or is it just my underarms wafting the odor of a winner? Yup, it’s definitely me. It’s not you, and your weird little parking routine that makes it look like a six-year-old somehow got their license from a cereal box as a prize. Why is it the general […]
