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It goes without saying… There are numerous benefits to being passive-aggressive in your dealings with other people (also known as “simpletons”). The issue with simpletons is that they are far, far inferior to the brilliance that people like you bring to this planet. You’re a genius.  You’re thoughtful, kind, compassionate. You deal with all situations properly and with […]

PASADENA, CALIFORNIA: July 2019 Pasadena Times Headline: BABY IN A TORTILLA BLANKET BURRITO PHOTOSHOOT CAUSES UPROAR WITH LOCAL COMMUNITY The reason? What a disaster. Who was the creator who would ever think you should put a baby in an actual burrito? And where in the world would they find a soft tortilla large enough to […]

You say, fine sir, is that a cigar whiskey glass you hold in those powerful hands of yours? You’re a mighty fancy gentleman, aren’t you?! Wonderful! What a wonderful existence it must be! You spend your mornings in a luxurious bathrobe, likely being given a world-class massage by a masseuse with a name like “Olfan” […]

$17.99

Ohhhh – look how cute that little goat stuffed animal is!!! You’ve Got to Buy The Screaming Goat Stuffed Animal. Ah, the Screaming Goat Stuffed Animal – because nothing says “I’ve got my life together” quite like a plush toy that emits goat shrieks at the press of a button. Perfect for shattering peaceful moments, […]

$26.95

We live in the future. A world of boundless opportunity and endless possibility. A world, where anything can happen at a moment’s notice. An awesome world, where pets can live in a virtual world that caters to their every fancy. Welcome to Pet VR. Population: your pet. The Virtual Reality pet headset defies all of […]

Have you ever wondered what happens behind your back? The reality of being a human being is that you can’t naturally look forward and backward at the same time. That sucks. Especially when you take into consideration the things we’ve found out happen while an average person has their back turned. Check out this time […]

$14.99

It’s 2am. You’ve been out all night doing the things you do to keep your life interesting (you know, drinking liquids that inebriate and such). Standing in your kitchen, you think to yourself, “What in the name of all that is Snoop Doggy Dogg am I going to satiate the hunger that is bellowing deep […]

$13.57

Are you looking for the perfect addition to your pool or bathtub? If so, then you need a robotic pet fish! A robotic pet fish adds an extra splash of fun and excitement to any pool or bathtub. Plus, let’s be real; pet fish are the easiest pet to take care of. But sometimes, even […]

Clocky is the original runaway alarm clock on wheels that helps you get up and go with some extra pep in your step! Clocky rolls! Clocky runs! You’ve got to catch Clocky to turn off your morning alarm! What a wonderful novelty to help you wake up with a smile every day! So cool. Oh, […]

$35.99

Looking for a way to freak out your friends and family? Look no further than BLK water – the goth kid of the beverage world. With its ominous black color, you’ll be sure to turn heads and make everyone wonder if you’re secretly a vampire. But don’t worry, there’s no need to fear the sun […]

$29.99

Mr. Zooka was the creator of one of the most ingenious contraptions ever made. The item he fashioned was able to take pure air, gather it all up into an invisible mass – and shoot that air back into the earth with a fantastic amount of energy behind it.

$22.99

If you still think the archaic “That Was Easy” button has any relevance in today’s world, you’ve got another thing coming, Mister (or Miss. Or Ms. Or Mrs. ). That thing you’ve got coming? The “NAILED IT” button. Designed in a micro laboratory in the heart of downtown Brooklyn, this is the absolute must-have button […]

$17.99

Let’s Start With Why You Need The Rainmaker. The Awesome Cash Shooting, Gold Plated Electronic Gun. Let’s face it: you don’t get the respect you deserve. Sure, people think you’re super attractive, funny, powerful, charismatic and pretty much a flawless human being. You have a great smile, impeccable style and an air of confidence that surrounds […]

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Memoirs of bae Dear Potential Boyfriend – As a potential partner, I have amassed a list of demands that require your attention prior to us engaging in any sort of relationship. Please note my use of the word “demand.” The list below is not a vague representation of things I’d like. They are required certainties. […]

Imagine if you could have a personal “hype-man” follow you around like you were a celebrity rapper. Somebody to follow you around all day every day just shouting about how great you are and giving you motivational quotes to keep you inspired. You wake up in the morning and hit the alarm… “Yo! My dude […]

$36.99

Congratulations! It’s a new baby! As opposed to an old baby, which, let’s be honest would be super weird. Last thing your lady friend would want is to give birth to an 86 year old retired accountant who all of a sudden immediately starts hounding the happy couple about their lack of diversified stock portfolio. […]

Are you a purveyor of fine, starchy vegetables, but also have a penchant for gaming? Do you find yourself endlessly scrolling through game sections of websites thinking; “Gosh, if there was only a wonderfully engaging activity that merged both my love of hot potatoes and, secretly, my desire to quite literally shock people with volts […]

$29.99