It would be disrespectful of us to give the Crazy Cat Lady depicted in this exquisite action figure a name.
So let’s just call her “your Aunt.” Or “your Neighbor.” Or “your Sister.” Or “every co-worker you’ve ever had.”
Maybe…just maybe…we could call her “you.” But out of respect, we won’t.
We’ll simply refer to her as:
Ethel.
Ethel loves her cats more than anything else. Why wouldn’t she? Her cats have taught her everything she’s ever needed to know about life:
Rule 1: Only pee in sanctioned places, especially when company comes over
Rule 2: Dress only for comfort (or simply don’t dress at all)
Rule 3: The only thing better than a backrub is eating from the palm of someone’s hand
Rule 4: Belly rubs should be saved for special occasions and should last for a minimum of 15 minutes
Rule 5: Ignore the hell out of everything you couldn’t care less about
Rule 6: Give the stink eye to everyone, at all times
While Ethel has learned the most important life lessons from her six wonderful cats, there are some details about her life we would be remiss if we didn’t mention them: she lives alone, has eaten cat food on occasion and also is covered in fur pretty much the entire day.
Oh, and she also sleeps covered in cats.
Ethel the cat lady might be just like someone you know. But guess what? Ethel (or the person you know) isn’t just some run of the mill zero.
Ethel is, in fact, a superhero in her own right.
A protector of cats.
A savior for felines.
A rockstar of the kitty community.
Ethel knows she must make it her personal goal to be surrounded by the unconditional love of cats at all times, no matter how much of an insane old spinster it may make her look.
Ethel must, and will, adopt any cat that could ever potentially be left by itself should she not spring to the rescue.
Maybe she doesn’t really have room for another cat in her apartment…but she’ll make room, damnit.
She’ll make room for every living cat in her city if she has to start stacking those things up like dominos.
Ethel will treat each cat with the dignity it deserves.
Naming each something special.
Names like:
“Fifi the Fe-Lion.”
“Queen Purrs-A-Lot.”
“Catniss.”
“Fuzz Aldrin.”
“Me-Ow the Kitty Cow.”
“Kitty Poppins.”
And of course, “The Notorious C.A.T.”
Be like Ethel.
Love kitties.
And show the superhero power of the Crazy Cat Lady with this distinguished action figure dedicated to the glory of cat lovers everywhere.
Six cats included…which is a good start.
